Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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