Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
