Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
