Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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