I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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