the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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