ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
