It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
