CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
