I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
