My Higher Power is John Stamos
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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