cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
