After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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