the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I've blown a few things in my day
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
