He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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