Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
