I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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