Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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