Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
