Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My feet surprised me
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
