Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
