I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
