theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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