We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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