I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
