I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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