Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
