I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
