I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
