i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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