Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
