Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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