Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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