I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.