I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass