How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.