They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
But theres a keg here and me gusta
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Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail