drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
