just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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