I just gift wrapped bread.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
