did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
