20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
