we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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