I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
