When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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