Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
