I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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