I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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