if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
