I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
