we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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