I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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