Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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