and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
