i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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