My friends, they love my intelligence
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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