He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
