theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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