O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
