he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
