Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
