I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
