from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm passing your future prison.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
