I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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