Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
