We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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