Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
