i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
