I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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