I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
