This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
