im having a threesome with these popsicles
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
