she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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